It seems to me that I can't watch a relationship fall apart, someone else's or my own. To see the familiar pattern of the downfall is almost unbearable. Almost seems like I can't escape it in piecing my life together again and not being able to shield my eyes from what I'm trying to run from. However, I can't help but wonder when there's nothing left to hold on to, is just love enough?
In being the realist (ok, pessimist) that I am, the first thing I think about when I enter a new relationship is the break up. Yes, it's terrible, I agree, but it's become almost a sub concious thing that I'm not even completely aware of anymore. It starts of being a flitting thought I brush away with a hint of annoyance but as my heart gets attached and feelings get invested, it starts to terrify me. Even the thought of a break up is a thought enough to keep me away from getting into an exclusive relationship until I'm ready to handle it. The truth of the matter is, how does one know if they are ever ready to handle it again? Perhaps it's when we meet a person who's worth the risk being taken or perhaps, we just jump back in blindly. How confusing.
What every woman does but will never admit to is knowing and recognizing the signs pre disaster. Let's face it, we all know it's coming, we're just in denial about it. In those last few desperate moments, when it seems like he's given up or that there is no happy ending to keep fighting for, can the dream of true love save a relationship? It's as if the reasons just roll off your tongue. Would you be with someone just because you finally found someone who you really think you could spend the rest of your life with or just because your happiness lies within his happiness or maybe it's just because you would give up everything and anything to be with him. It's love. Why would someone need a better reason? I don't know if I believe love will get you through the times when your dreams don't match up with his and when you know, that you would never be truly happy forever living the life he wants. love is compromise but not sacrifice, this I know. This I hold onto in order to piece my life back together. It seems so mindless now, fighting for something because of a feeling, an incredibly world shattering feeling, but a feeling, none the less.
In today's overly realistic world, maybe love isn't enough to hold two people together eternally or maybe, we all just need to fall in love again.
Love,
Single Girl and The City
