Being single for the past few months has made me realize how much I actually enjoy it. I like sleeping sprawled out in the middle of my double bed. I like watching Desperate Housewives on Sunday night with a cup of tea in my hand instead of calling my boyfriend. I like going out with my girls for a tequila night and watching men hit on us not wondering if he's doing the same thing. I like being able to be spontaneous with my lifestyle and not have anyone to keep in mind. But it's also made me wonder even in all my singledom glory, if I might have accidentally found myself in a sort of relationship.

A friend of mine said something the other day that made me ponder if a certain type of goodbye can mean a hello to a new relationship? He was here the other day when the sun was shining an orangey evening haze outside. As he buckled his belt, he looked at me as if seeing me for the first time and he grabbed my knee and kissed me goodbye. It might have been the first spontaneous thing he's ever done, might ever do. It was like he kissed me because he wanted to, because he was overwhelmed by a desire to, because I was cocking my head and smiling at him, trying to be cute. I think it worked. I was pleasantly shocked, perhaps even taken aback, straddling my cool, granite island, swinging my legs back and forth like a carefree little girl. Maybe we are attracted to the traits we want but don't possess. He is not carefree. He is not naturally funny. He is not spontaneous. And sometimes, I don't know if he knows how to be social with people but I love his presence and the way he says olive juice. I love his awkwardness like he hasn't fully realized how good looking he is. I love his inept-ness with machines. I love our shared love of surgeries and adopting African children from foreign countries. I love his fantasy of wanting to be a fighter pilot. I love the way he makes love to me and how it frightens me yet pleases me at the same time. I love his legs. He has gorgeous gams, seriously. I love how hardcore he is about everything. And I love how he inspires me to forget everything else and live the life I've always wanted to live.

He had never done that before. I had kissed him goodbye numerous times and then, we hugged goodbye a few times. Then, he kissed me and I feel like something changed. It's like the anticipation of a first kiss with someone who makes you smile to yourself on the metro. You can't wait to fulfill the fantasy of finally feeling his lips against yours. You wonder if it will be truly electrifying and if you'll see fireworks. You wonder this lying awake till the wee hours of the night. And then it happens and you can't wait to do it again and again till your lips are swollen. We had kissed before and it was every bit delicious, but this....this was fantastic. I never expected this from him and now I want it. He has spoiled me, I can't go back. Yet maybe, I should go back and I probably will until the next time it happens and he makes me smile to myself on the metro.

Love,
Single Girl and The City